Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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