Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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