6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
