Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
