Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
