its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
