I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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