i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
