So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
