My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
