Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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