It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
