u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please, let me fuck your mom
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
