I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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