What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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