Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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