he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All the doctor said was why
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
