dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
