I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
