Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got inside last night via doggy door
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
