tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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