Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so let's talk penis.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
