Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
