my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
