Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am available for nakedness
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize