just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
