i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
