I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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