Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
