just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
