I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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