I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
