Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
