thus making me awesome and them whores
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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