I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
