Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
