I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
