Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
