I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're like the curious george of whores
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
