dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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