This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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