dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
