i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
