I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
