I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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