did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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