I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
porn star boner night. come get it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
