connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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