You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
