I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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