Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
