you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
